War of the Gods

As far as God of War III goes as a game, well, it’s okay.  The combat is pretty solid, as with mostly the rest of the game.  It looks gorgeous.  It’s short, which in my sphere of experience is a good thing, and it’s tightly linear.  Take all of that as you will: I consider them positives.  The cinematics are amazing; they alternate between FMV sequences and stylized animated sequences and the latter really sell themselves.  The quick time events that the game mostly builds itself around are solid, but in the first place I found them hard to recognise.  As soon as the player gets past that first visual hurdle, they function really well.  It would have benefited from a lack of directional input.

S’a game.  S’fun, very pretty, mechanically solid.  But the narrative is so terrible.

Kratos killed his family in the first game, so he went on a rampage after Ares – the God responsible.  He kills Ares, through power attained by opening Pandora’s Box, and becomes the new God of War.  Then Zeus fires him or something.  So in the second game he gets an army of Titans and Athena to go after Zeus.  Then Kratos kills Athena on accident and the game is to be continued!  Then he falls off Olympus and starts killing everyone.  Poseidon.  Hades.  Helios.  Hermes.  Hercules.  Poseidon’s sex slave.  Hera.

The planet.

He causes mass flooding, he causes a plague that wipes out humanity, he blocks out the sun, he unleashing the souls of the dead upon the land of the living – he basically destroys the planet.  He kills everything to wreak vengeance upon Zeus.  Except Aphrodite.

See, Aphrodite is some sort of sex symbol I guess.  I’m pretty sure some guy wrote a poem about mortal man laying bedways with Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, divine bosom in hand – but that’s all in poetry romantic.  Aphrodite was full on topless in this game and, the moment you walk into her BEDROOM, sexually charged.  She was making out with two (topless) girls and upon seeing Kratos, practically starts begging for the cock.

I’m still not really sure why she was topless.  I always pictured her as elegant, and clothed.  Maybe that’s Disney’s fault, but the image suited the Goddess of Love better than this image.  This whole character reflected sex more than love.  APHRODITE: GODDESS OF TITS.  But, anyway, Kratos sticks his God of War in her Pantheon and there’s a minigame until she reaches climax.  Off-screen, of course, but while we’re playing their sex we get to see the topless sex-servants making out and getting wet as they watch.

It was at about this point I questioned the game.  S’not trying to be art, clearly, and it’s definitely not trying to authentically recreate Ancient Greece or their mythology (otherwise, I dunno, Kratos probably would have got boned by Dionysus before Aphrodite offered it up for free.  She’s supposed to be a challenge; not a beggar).  So I asked the game:  What are you trying to achieve?

And the answer was: Adam, I’m trying to get boys hard.  Not men: boys.  Teenagers.  I’m trying to get them hard through the use of bloody violence, sex and nudity.

There’s a misconception that video gaming is a hobby of, exclusively, teenage boys.  Older folk play them, but not as much.  Women, girls, well don’t even mention those.  And you know what, this game helps proliferate the myth.  It even helps produce it as reality.  I mean, if I were a girl – say, sixteen – and I saw my younger brother playing this game – or anyone playing this game, really – and I saw Aphrodite all topless there.  And then saw Kratos fuck her.  Well, I think I’d go play some kind of sports.  Or read a novel.

— Adam ^>^


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