Nintendo 3DS – Do Nintendo Even Make Video Games Anymore?

Warning: Frothing, possibly incoherent rage imminent.

No, no they don’t. They just make ass backwards video game technologies, once in a while pausing to make a half-ass backwards game just to pretend that they still make video games. The rest of the time they’re making fully ass backwards games. And they do all of this to pander to the masses of mindless idiots who’ll gladly confirm Nintendo’s suspicions that, yes, it’s a lot easier to make money when you drag your quality down to their level. Because there are so many of them to fleece! Nintendo, consider yourself dead to me. DEAD.

You may consider this an overreaction (and it probably is), but it’s mostly just the last straw on Nintendo’s growing pile of ways to disenchant me. Let’s talk about the technology itself, shall we? If the vitality sensor is 100% ass backwards and mostly devoid of any practical or meaningful interactivity (and video games are all about interactivity), and let me say that the vitality sensor seems to me even less useful than simply adding another button to the Wii’s bloody controller, I don’t see the 3DS doing anything to convince me that Nintendo are dragging themselves out of that shit-stained sewer that the masses wallow in. 3D is just as much a gimmick in video games as it is in movies, unnecessary and stupid. It’s mostly just an annoying distraction. The 3DS apparently does 3D without glasses, so while I don’t know exactly what that entails (headtracking maybe?), it just seems to me to be another way to fleece customers and waste more time on unnecessary retardations that add no meaningful interactivity or even atmospheric quality to games. I’ll take the PSP’s greater hardware power any day.

If the 3DS turns out to be something amazing or even remotely interesting, or perhaps an early April Fools’ joke, I’ll gladly eat my hat.



About Safeer
What is Safeer? A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk, have at you!

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