Unspeakable eGames

eGames is a games exhibition that comes to Melbourne (in the magical land of Australia for the geographically challenged) every year. Due to good timing for us and some friends, we decided to check it out last Friday. Never having been to eGames before, or much of any con really, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Honestly? Letdown. Seemingly poorly organised and lacking in stalls and content, we saw everything there was to see in less than half the time it was open (well, perhaps Saturday and Sunday were different, as it was running all weekend). We had no idea what was going to be there, but an “IT Professional Resume” stall was not something we expected. There was some fun to be had, though, so read on and see what we saw in glorious iPhone glory.

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Look, I think that you’re implying that my iPhone was inadequate for the job. But I maintain that it takes a better quality image (on the fly as we were) than my five year old camera plus it’s a little bit less conspicuous. It’s as inconspicuous as taking photos of strangers can get.

The above images sort of represent the scale and the scope of the exhibition. It sorta looks like a crowd of strange people walking around a Ye Olde Gymnasium navigating their way around arbitrary walls, if you ask me. It doesn’t get any more impressive, folks.

Actually I was sincere. I scoffed at the iPhone before, but now I’m fairly certain in my beliefs that it’s powered by magical faerie gods who bestow upon it mystic powers of life and death. Except the games are still crap.




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Here we get to play the latest hyped up no doubt best seller, Borderlands, on the 360. The game was hidden behind a giant black curtained cubicle, as if to say “stand back, ye children, for these walls hold that which will corrupt and destroy your feeble minds with pictures of great gore and intensity.” The game itself, while we didn’t stick around too long, seemed to be quality. The graphical style I quite liked, and it did what it advertised: give us a nice post-apocalyptic FPS with a smattering of RPG and a lot of quirky weapons. Would probably get stale unless you were into multiplayer, though.

I really, really liked the way Borderlands looked, but there was nothing to drive me to play it. That’s why I stood back, yelled at you guys, and took photos.


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This game was really pretty cool. You’re these little innocent cherubs in Fairytale Fights, a title that almost encourages friendly fire. Or maybe that was just my personality seeping into the gameplay. It was a little cheesy and silly with the puns, but it was bloody in such an inappropriate way that it’s almost impossible not to love this game. If I didn’t have a Ps3, I reckon I’d actively go out and buy one for this game. I did have an issue with using the right toggle to smack things though, especially when there’s a perfectly good X Button less than an inch away.

I think that’s an overstatement. This is another game that would get stale, I think, so I wouldn’t get a Ps3 just for it (it’s no LittleBigPlanet). It definitely had lots of charm, though, and if you do have a Ps3, it’s probably worth giving a look (being a downloadable title and not a full-priced game, I believe).


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Assassin’s Creed 2. Wasn’t enticing looking enough for any of us to play. Based off the concept, it should be entertaining enough, and hopefully less flawed than the first one is famous for.

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I don’t even remember what this was. A little help?

That’s Rayman Raving Rabbits 2 or 3 or whatever number they’re up to. It was at the Ubisoft Booth, next to Red Steel 2. I took this photo while you were playing Red Steel 2. Because the girl in the background was cute.

I am a serious journalist ^>^

She was pretty c- hey, wait a minute, what? Red Steel 2 was probably my favourite thing at the con! Really lookin’ forward to this game, the Wii seriously needs some more decent titles under its belt. I was able to play through the first section of the game, shoot/slice some baddies, run around the dusty terrain (stuff like jumping and climbing walls is all handled via those cinematic quick time event button presses, which were nifty) and stick it to the first boss. This is a lot more polished than the first game, folks, and feels completely different. The art style was very much like Borderlands without the gore (PG game), and visually I liked it as much (so much for the Wii’s graphics making eyes bleed). Wii Motion Plus made it so the waggle was bearable, as the sword actually went in the direction I swung it, and the intensity of the swing mattered too (my arm sort of hurt after the demo, but I figure you’d get used to it). There was even one odd moment where I had to break into a safe by holding the wiimote’s speaker to my ear and turning it, as if I was breaking into a real dial safe. Sort of cool.

Thanks for mentioning bleeding eyes: James Cameron’s The Avatar the game looks frightfully underwhelming. We’ve got no pictures of this either (man, we had a slack photographer), but it doesn’t really matter. The main selling point of this game was that it was 3D. Ya know, with the artificial bi-ocular depth perception and the headache inducingly awkward glasses. It was really, really disconcerting and I felt no great urge to buy it. Or play it. Or even look at it with the glasses on. It looked very generic besides the graphical “innovation”.
In contrast, I was very intrigued and interested by the Splinter Cell demo. We have a video:

Bastard Ubisoft stall guy (is it just me, or did Ubisoft buy out eGames?) didn’t actually let us play it. But that might be because of the impressive depth and complexity of the game shown in the presentation. A whole lot of different spy abilities (both technological and psychological) were on show, and though I’ve never shown a great interest in Splinter Cell before, I think this might be one to buy.

Another miss by our fantastic photographer, who shall not be named (rhymes with ‘kesoteric’) was Halo ODST. What can be said? Why didn’t we get the bloody PC version, for one thing, I hate playing shooters on consoles. Secondly, not impressed. We got to play a little co-op and a little single player, and from what I can tell, it’s just more damn Halo. Nothing to write home about, and the glowy lines around everything in visor mode are obnoxious but sometimes really necessary.

My issue with ODST was that it wasn’t really a new game. I mean, even Borderlands was decidedly out in some regions of this Earth. We didn’t get a very good showing in that respect. But I guess the supreme irony is that we (I) enjoyed the repeat games more than the new titles. We got to rock out on Rock Band and had some fun with Street Fighter 4. Check out our videos below for that. (For the sake of my self esteem, I won’t point out which one I am in the Rock Band video).

The stall that had Street Fighter 4 was really just an excuse for Australian Gamer people to get together and play games, as opposed to providing us with something interesting (we weren’t exactly linin’ up to meet Yug and Matt), but at least we had fun (as evidenced in the video) there. And I got to sit in a bean bag chair. Rock Band was, indeed, fun, as making a lot of noise in a ‘public’ place always is (I don’t think we even have Rock Band 2 down here yet, so it actually counts as a new freaking game).

To conclude the Ubisoft stall, there was this little gem on the Wii. I don’t know about you, but something about this game made me want to buy it.

There was also a Boy and his Blob. I didn’t give this game a lot of thought at the time, I din’t feel the need to. I’ve already resigned to the fact that I’m buying the game simply because the Boy and his Blob hug.

I totally showed off the hug. So cute! The game itself seemed a bit rough around the edges control-wise (leading to some death and irritation), but it looked pretty and it gives the impression of a fairly challenging puzzle game. So I concur, another Wii title to grab.

All that’s really left from me is a little bit of photographer’s indulgence. I took these photos below because one (the legs) was just hilarious, because two (the little girl) was adorable and because the last highlights the only freebie we got from the whole event: a silly hat.


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IMG_0091I got a t-shirt instead of a hat, so I think I win out there. And don’t forget all the free advertising pamphlets we got! Alright, so that wasn’t quite everything at the con. We didn’t stay the whole time (it was open until 7PM), and some stalls seemed to have not even been set-up by the time we decided to leave. They might have been planning something on the big stage & projector too, but we didn’t see anything worth giving a crap about in the time we were there. Basically, there are only so many times you can walk around and purvey the same things before you get restless and impatient. eGames wasn’t horrible, but it’s probably one of our weaker yearly cons (at least, this year’s – nothing from Sony or Nintendo, what the hell) and considering how isolated and ignored Australia is, as well as how many cons I’ve actually been to in the first place, that says a lot. But hey, silly hat.

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About Safeer
What is Safeer? A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk, have at you!

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