X-Men Origins: ME.

It’s about freaking time that someone went ahead and blasphemed against my origin story.

I mean, they didn’t even talk about old one eye’s in X-Men Origins: Cyclops and they got diamond tits’ outright wrong in X-Men Origins: Emma Frost.  I was feeling left out!  All I’ve been doing is fighting AIM for my alternaverse zombie head, having inane adventures in a solo title, hanging out dimension-hopping with my alterna-buddies saving the multiverse, attending funerals, joining X-Force, team-up with Z-Listers and watching Bea Arthur porn.

It’s really about time I took a moment to reflect on something I’ve already done.  That being: MY ENTIRE LIFE UP UNTIL THIS POINT.

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A Friend in Need…

So I had my own on-going, right, and then it got cancelled and I got replaced by, well -

Yourself.

Yes, by myself.  But I wasn’t as popular as me.

No you weren’t.

No I wasn’t.  So I got cancelled and replaced by me again.

You were a lot more popular than you were.

I really was.  But they didn’t think it was enough.

They thought we needed friends.

For the banter.

Ha!  So much for that.  WE ARE OUR OWN BANTER.

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Prelude to the ME Corps

You know who I fucking love?  Rob Liefield. I am so glad that he created me.  If not for him, I’d be a two-dimensional rip-off of myself fighting the TEEN TITANS!

TEEN TITANS GO!

I think Fabian helped out a little.

Who the Hell is Fabian?

The guy who created you.

Rob Liefield?

No the guy who wrote you.

Daniel Way?

No, he created us.

He did?

Yeah, before Way we used to be just normal narrative boxes.

Really?  No voices in his head?

Really.  No voices in his head.

That’s pretty stupid.

GUYS SHUT UP I’M TRYING TO DO A REVIEW.

What are you reviewing?

The Prelude to the Deadpool Corps.

We look fantastic as a girl.

We really do.  Especially with all that boobage and tight skinny waistage.

And man, did you see her feet?  They were like, the best feet I’ve ever seen.

General America also looked pretty great too.

GUYS.

What?  We’re helping!

Yeah, we’re letting everyone know how awesome Liefield’s art is.

Yeah.  Not that we need to tell anybody that because, well, everyone already knows that.

It’s like common knowledge.

They should let him draw everything ever.

Yeah.  And they should let Loeb write everything too.

Now that’s a creative team!

Blackest Evil – GEDDIT? GEDDIT?

Hey FUCKERS!

Those kids think that they’re so smart – but they’re not!  Nope.  Not even close to smart.  Not even close to even almost as smart as I was that time that Black Swan was making me stupider.  That’s how smart they are: they’re smart like a stupid me.  HA. HA. HA. Read more of this post

Feed Proxy WITH A VENGEANCE

THIS BLOG IS MINE.  I am the main character.  I am the most important person.  I AM THE WOLVERINE.

Didn’t they give you a job to do?

NOBODY GIVES ME A JOB TO DO.  I’m Deadpool!  I destroyed Tasmania. I am their boss.  I tell them what to do.

Why are we even doing this?  Shouldn’t we be out stabbing something.

Yeah, you know, in one of our comics.

If you’re bored, we could give Terry a call.  See if she’s free.  We used to be in love with her, remember that?

No, not really.

Don’t I have a job to do?

Probably.  It clearly isn’t a very interesting job.

No, I think I do.  They gave me a list of things and asked me nicely to type up that list.

Are you sure you didn’t stalk them and threaten them with knives if you didn’t get things your way?

I’m not a politician.

Stop snivelling.

LEAVE ME ALONE. I’m trying to write a silly thing for those stupid guys.  But now, thanks to you, I’ve L O S T my train of thought.  THANKS COURIER NEW FONT.  THANKS A LOT.

You’re welcome.

Jerk.  Now what am I actually supposed to be doing?  I’ve got this list of websites, but they look a bit suss to me. If you know what I mean. What the Hell kind of blog is this?

Pikachu torture.

OUR KIND OF BLOG.

I dunno, feels kind of nerdy. Maybe even a little bit retarded.

I think it’s interesting.

I think they’re cheating.  They’re not even using their own content.

Fucking leeches. I’m not even going to read their posts now.  I AM ASHAMED TO BE AFFILIATED WITH THEM.

Ashamed, or just too lazy to be bothered to read the whole thing?

Oh Gods damn it, WHO LET HIM AT THE KEYBOARD?  I bet it was Safeer.  Friggin’ frack.  Now look at the mess we have.  The post is ruined.  I’m not going to go through and fix this.  Seriously.

I AM MASTER OF UNSPEAKABLE EVIL.  AND MARVEL.

Hey, waitaminute.  Aren’t you Thom Cruise?

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